Back to Square One

Many years ago my minister at the time used to say, 'Where there is blessing, then comes trial.' He's not wrong. As we approach our first anniversary in the shop I can't help reflecting on the exhausting first three weeks in November between getting the lease and our opening day, when some of us seemed to live in the shop; painting, clearing, scrubbing, and building endless bookshelves. Occasionally we were let out for good behaviour and got a trip to Ikea to pick up more fittings, furnishings or accessories.

One year on, as things seemed to be going really well, we have been flooded out, and a large portion of the ceiling has come down. Six days later the leak hasn't been traced yet and hasn't stopped, so there's probably more damage to come. The shop is a mess, and again, we approach this time of year with a lot of work to do. The difference is that having worked hard for the last year, I suspect some of us are feeling tired and stretched too thinly already. In the meantime the shop remains closed until we can get the rubble cleared and the electrics checked - until then there is a real health and safety risk from using the premises. It does however leave us with the challenge of exercising our creativity in finding ways to worship together while the shop is closed. If we are constrained by our lack of our normal venue, we've lost the point of what we are trying to do here to some extent.

I have to say that this is where Alan comes into his own. His ability to 'project manage' went a long way to getting the shop open in the first place, and already he is rising to the occasion again as he sorts out issues between several sets of insurers, our landlord, the upstairs owner, tenant, sub-tenant, the factor, environmental health, and various assorted others. Personally it's the sort of scenario that has me paralysed with indecision, but Alan just deals with it.

One positive things about this is that it reinforces that there is a wide variety of gifts amongst our wee group for a reason. We have some great teachers, encouragers, administrators, people with musical ability, and - I am forever grateful - some really caring, pastoral individuals - and also someone who thrives in a crisis and get us back on track again. This is not the only trial we face though. Finance is a perennial issue, and ready cash is thin on the ground. We may have to make some hard decisions in the near future, but in the meantime it is an exercise in trust.

Another issue which has reared its head is that we are not as well equipped as we thought we were to help and accompany those who come to us with no prior knowledge of Christianity - precisely the reason we started this project in the first place - to reach the unchurched. It has required a real shift in our normal way of doing things, and we are working with various options at the moment.

Anyway, much prayer is required at this stage, not least for the stamina to cope with the workload in the next few weeks.

Autumn - a new season

At last - the students have returned to the city. It's been a good few weeks - new faces around the shop, more people using the free WIFI facility, and the start of our book group. Yes - it's a new term. We've just come back from a couple of weeks on holiday and before we went away there was a real sense that the whole project was ticking over the way we'd imagined it would. It's not just about footfall in the shop though - there have been some really good conversations - a surprising number of people are prepared to talk when given a comfortable place to sit and a fresh cup of coffee.

One significant development for Alan was that for the first time in nearly a decade he could just walk away from the church without having to make detailed plans for cov - whether to cover worship, teaching, pastoral care, or staffing the shop. It's a real indication of how blessed we are in talented and committed folk that it just came together as everyone mucked in. Alan at least had the grace to admit that he found it difficult to just leave people to get on with it -but he took a leap of faith, and wasn't disappointed.

One of the ways in which the rest of the crew carried on was in organising an acoustic / open mic night, which took place on Friday 16th October. It was well attended, and while most of those there came as a result of personal contact with the church folk (which is great) there were also a few locals who just walked in off the street, and a few new contacts were made. Excellent, long may it continue!

New Encouragements

It was another encouraging day at The Word on the Street. We had a new record for attendance numbers at worship this morning - 16. We still have more men than women and still averaging people in their 20s, which is a real encouragement. We also had a few regular folk missing, so it was really nice to have a buzz about the place this morning.
It started out as one of those days where nothing seemed to go right - technical problems, sound problems, notes going missing, yet as is often the case there was a really good feel about the place. Ewan, one of our guys who works with Navigators and had been leading groups to Africa over the summer, was back this morning - it was good to have him back.
We also had some interest from one of our visitors coming back and getting involved in the music side. We have never set out to attract other Christians, but the reality is that we need other folk who would be able to get involved. One of the factors that comes with having a younger church, is that with people working full time, then time is at a premium.
Anyway, after a fairly slow summer, it was a really encouraging day.

Everyday Struggles

I've been fairly negligent in posting entries over the summer. There have been a variety of reasons - sheer business, illness in the family, frustration with an old laptop, etc., etc.

Another of the reasons has been, not that nothing was happening, but that not every story is mine to tell. Although one of the reasons for maintaining this blog is to keep a record of the church in its early days, it is essentially a story about people.

The summer generally has been full of ups and downs. We had commented at one point that there did not seem to be the level of spiritual attack on the church that we had been expecting, but in reality it has been there, but seen in struggles we have all faced as individuals more than corporately. There have been health issues, either personally, or as in my case, with family members. Others have struggled with employment issues and associated financial concerns. We have a few assylum seekers in the church who really seem to be struggling at the moment as problems with their assylum applications continue unresolved; to wait up to ten years with no answer is a situation that I can hardly imagine having to live with.

Corporately there have been less tangible issues to overcome - it has been more about the absence of events, than what has actually happened that has been the issue. Few customers, and low levels of income have caused their share of anxiety. We need to make contact with more people, and have the finance to stay open long enough to do that. This has seemed more acute, in that during the summer it was made clear that there would be no funding forthcoming from the Church of Scotland Emerging ministries fund.

All in all though, the reality is that this is very early days. What it does mean though is that we can't take anything for granted. We need to pray for one another, and constantly examine ourselves and what we are doing in the light of our sense of calling and God's direction. We are also very small in number and all of us feel time constrained; we need plan carefully how we use the resources that we have. We are coming up to the end of our first year though, and it is an appropriate time for reflection.

A day to remember

Last Sunday (2 August) was another landmark day, with two baptisms - Cathy and Christine, a mother and daughter. Unlike the first baptism we had in March, we took to the great outdoors and headed for Loch Lomond. The weather had been lousy all week, but the sun was shining as we gathered at Rowardennan on the east shore of the loch, in the shadow of Ben Lomond. It was a great day - a dozen of us, one small dog, a lot of food and a barbecue. For those of us who connect with God when surrounded by his creation, the setting created a sense of awe which I personally rarely have when indoors. Whey would we worry about the lack of a baptistery in our premises when we have God's own craftsmanship at our disposal? As it is technically summer in Scotland (?) it was a chance to do something different, to add a strong fellowship and community element to what is always a special occasion. It also took us away from the shop - made us live out what we profess - that church is not the premises - it's the people, the community of believers. Once again we ventured out from our wee safe space, and a few folk watched what was going on from a bit of a distance. We didn't make any approaches to people - they were our doing their thing, we were out doing ours - but it felt fitting that a church that professes to be missional should take such a public delatation of faith as baptism out into the world to be seen by the world.

Has anyone seen my stash?

One of our folks was sorting through some books that had been donated to us. The book fell open and she found a beautifully pressed leaf within the pages - a cannabis leaf!! Further investigation found more of the same between each and every page of the book. In the end there was about half a plastic bin-liner full. It's funny the things that get handed into charity shops!

So if anybody who has gifted us some books lately is missing their stash, they can find it with the Dennistoun Community Police. (Oh, and thanks again for the books!)

Living with Ambiguity

Yet another threshold or boundary issue that we have come across lately is the discomfort of others within the wider church who aren't able to conveniently pigeon-hole us. I have to reiterate that this is a purely personal viewpoint - this is my personal blog and doesn't necessarily represent the views of the whole church here, but I have found myself disappointed with this reaction.
We are a small independent church existing outside denominational structures, not by choice or deliberate design, but because as we moved on in the vision God had given us, it was the only path that was open to us - to move beyond the structures that held us and begin something new. The only other option was to remain where we were - secure and comfortable, but having to live with the knowledge that we had refused God's call on our lives.
We - all of us here - are trying to develop a community of Christian believers who are faithful to scripture, Christ's call on all of our lives, and his specific envisioning for us at this time in this community. We have recently come under pressure from other Christian leaders to declare our allegiance to a specific denomination. In a recent conversation I cited the reasons why we hadn't done this as follows:

• We are an emerging church still at an embryonic stage of our development - we are only seven months old. Our small group here comes from a variety of church, cultural and national backgrounds - we do not know what 'shape' we will become. That is something I hope God will reveal to us as we allow him to shape us - it would be presumptive for us to dictate to God what our ecclesiology - the way we do church - should be at this early stage.


• This church was born out of a sense of call to mission in a particular location, and we are deliberately and consciously trying to allow what we believe about Christ and mission to shape us - not the pre-existing creeds, principles or statements of faith of an existing denomination. If and when that shaping process has progressed sufficiently to reveal that we share the principles of an existing denomination, we will happily and gratefully consider aligning ourselves with them.
  
• One of the reasons that we are here at all is a recognition that there is a large section of the community that traditional / institutional church is not reaching. There is a part of society that they are ideally suited to reach, but we are looking towards the unreached. In that context the hallmarks of institutional church may actually be a barrier to what we are trying to achieve at this stage, particularly as we are in an area where religious sectarianism can still be an issue.

I have found the response to this really disappointing, not in the casual enquirer who comes into the shop to see who and what we are, but particularly in those who have a trans-local responsibility for leadership of the church in that area. The arguments for aligning with one particular denomination is I'm afraid not sufficiently compelling at this time, especially when those arguments come from people with less experience of either church planting or emerging church than our own fellowship. What is sad is that our refusal is seen as the manifestation of an isolationist attitude - something that could not be further from the truth; since opening our premises we've enjoyed better, more open and relaxed relationships with local churches of all denominations that we ever had before.

It is highly likely that the time will come when it is right for us to be more formally aligned with a particular denomination, but that time is not today. I only hope that when the time comes, our current refusal will not have soured relations, but that is a problem for another day. In the meantime, we are truly thankful that God has allowed us to be part of something which transcends any and all denominations, that we are having to find our security in God and not in ecclesiastical institutions, and trusting that he will continue to guide us.

New Initiatives

Having had six months or so to settle in we decided that it was time to do something which would build and strengthen the new contacts and relationships that have been forming in the shop. We've started opening late on Thursdays, and on 11 June we started our Book Group, which will meet on 2nd and 4th Thursdays of the month for the moment.
I couldn't be there for the first meeting, but it apparently went well, with seven folks there - three from what we would consider the core planting group, two new people who have been joining us for worship, and two customers from the shop.
We're reading The 19th Wife as our first book. I'm planning to be at the group this week, so I've made sure to catch up with my reading.
Our other new venture is the Soul Clinic, which is on the 3rd Thursday of the month. We had the first event last week, and only one person was there who wouldn't normally be at our main worship event, but I think it was an overall positive experience. What I did ask myself at the end of the evening is whether it will have a more evangelistic role, or whether it will provide an alternative worship space to the main Sunday service, for those with a more reflective, contemplative spiritual temperament. I think it will definitely be more of a 'slow burner' than the book group, but we shall see what unfolds in the coming months.

Boundary Issues

In Celtic spirituality boundaries and thresholds are important. They are the places where one thing meets another, but in itself the boundary or threshold is neither. The shoreline is neither land nor sea, yet is defined by both. The dawn is neither night nor day, but is defined by both.
The Word on the Street exists on a threshold, particularly during the week when it is not used for overtly Christian activities or worship. Brad Kallenberg in his book Live to Tell: Evangelism in the Postmodern Matrix describes conversion as the process by which a person changes their allegiance from one community to become part of a new one - the church. The Word on the Street is on the threshold of two communities - it is where the Kingdom meets the world. I realise our values and worship are, we hope, shaped by Kingdom values and inspired by Christ, but although we believe that Christ lives in us, we bring the world with us too. It is neither wholly the Kingdom, nor is it the world, but is defined by both. It is the borderlands, and there are tension and confusions. How is the line between the land and the sea defined when the waves continually wash the shore and the tides rise and fall? Where is the point where the church ceases to be worldly when it consists of flawed human beings?
One of the distinctives of The Word on the Street is that we have been intentional about allowing this place of tension and blurred lines to exist. It is a borderland for all who come in - particularly those with no faith background - where the values and attitudes of the world meet those of the Kingdom. It is a place where they can, for a time, experience a different community, yet remain free to return to their old one. People can still see the familiar landmarks of their own space, but begin to sample ours. One of the things that create this environment is our policy of selling books, music and DVDs of all genres - including horror, romance, crime, etc. - and allowing customers to sit and chat, without setting parameters of permissible topics. It is this which has brought a lot of people over our door, many engaging in conversations with us, but it has also left us open to a lot of criticism from certain parts of the church. As I said in my previous post 'Thank God for the Church, we've received tremendous support from the traditional church, but we also received criticism. We've been accused of compromise, liberalism 'throwing away the Bible.'
We don't lightly disregard the critique of others - positive or negative, but ultimately we have to bring these before God and ask him to reveal to us where they are justified, as it is his vision that we are trying to follow, and him that we are accountable to.
This seems a strange way of doing church to some, but it is new territory for us as well, and we are constantly engaged in trying to discern where the lines are that we should not cross - in the borderlands those lines are not always clear. This is not ivory tower theorising, but rather on-the-hoof theologising for a group of practitioners as we encounter new situations. One example occurred this week when one customer was telling another something that was contrary to our beliefs. What do we do? Tell her she's wrong? Interject into the conversation? We discussed this and came to the conclusion that we wouldn't expect the staff in Borders or Waterstones to but in on our conversation, and so our customers should receive at least the amount of respect which a secular company would afford them. If we were invited to join the conversation, or the customer was directly addressing one of us, that would be different. Do our conclusions please our Christian brothers and sisters in the larger church? Let's just say it's a mixed reaction.
This is one of the reasons why we are a values based initiative rather that behaviour based (our values are on the church/shop website - see the link under 'sites I visit'). We encounter things we couldn't or didn't foresee when we began, and our values provide a compass to help direct us, while not restricting us to a pre-determined 'code of conduct' It's not without our challenges, but requires us to engage our bodies, minds and spirits as we try to discern and follow God's leading.
Whatever your own views on what we are doing here, I would invite you to pray for us, that Christ will always be before us, and that we may see him more clearly than we do today. Like the people who come through our door, we too are on a journey. We haven't arrived at our destination yet - we may not even know where God is leading us beyond today, but all we have to see is the next way marker on the road, and trust that as we pass it another will come into view.

New News and Recent History

On 30 May I posted that local reporters had been into the shop (Publicity and Prayer). The editorial about us has now appeared in one of our local newspapers - the Re-Gen, which has a circulation of about 20,000 in exactly the geographical area that we want to reach. It's fantastic, and is really sympathetic to what we're doing. It describes the shop as 'tranquil oasis' and the writer says how amazed at just how relaxing it is to sit have, free coffee and just chat. It also makes the point that we don't pressure people about religion, and that there is a huge selection of stock of all genres - available without censorship, which he sees as a surprising plus, given that we are a church. It makes it clear that we are not a cult, or weird, just people who 'want to encourage visitors to share the peace they have found through their beliefs.'

We took out an ad that is beside it - really just for the bookshop side of things - but the editorial is a fantastic testimony to what we're doing here. However it's not entirely accurate. It says that it was originally set up to raise money for the Baptist Church and indicates Alan is still a minister there. I haven't said much so far about our origins, partly because the story isn't just ours, it's also the story of the church that we came from, but in order to put the facts straight I'll briefly mention some of it here.

Our pastor was the minister of Dennistoun Baptist Church for a number of years. About two years ago the church began to seriously and prayerfully examine its mission and ministry in the area. Alan, myself and several others slowly began to believe that God was calling us to do something radically different to reach the community, and a vision for what is essentially The Word on the Street emerged - right down to the free coffee and the specific shop unit. The short version is that the church believed that this was a call to certain individuals, not the church as a whole, and so voted overwhelmingly in August 2008 to release Alan, along with those who shared the vision, to go and do this work with their blessing. They would remain as Dennistoun Baptist Church, with no recriminations on those who did not share the vision. Their blessing was not just in words and prayers - they gifted the Manse to the new initiative, which was sold to provide funding. Alan ceased to be the minister of Dennistoun Baptist Church in November 2008, when The Word on the Street opened its doors.

Publicity and Prayer

We had a couple of folks from the local paper - the Re-GEN, in the shop. We had decided to advertise the bookshop, and they were going to write up an editorial on what we were doing. While they were there two women came in and had a coffee, and bought some books, commenting frequently on the lovely atmosphere in the shop. It was wonderful - such a perfect thing to happen while reporters are in your midst - so perfect that if I didn't know better I'd think it had been set up - it couldn't have happened better if it had been.
Even lovelier, one of the ladies joined us on Sunday for our worship time, and her nephew with her. It was great to see them and we hope they felt welcome and included.
The weather has been gorgeous, and its meant more pedestrian traffic outside the shop. Our huge stock of books has also meant that we can give some away - the ones that aren't in such good condition, so we've been able to put a basket of books outside for folks to help themselves. The combination of the two has brought a lot of new customers into the shop, which is great, and the freebies outside have also demonstrated that we stock all sorts of books, so it's broken down a few barriers I think.
The editorial is due out on the 6th June along with the advert. Here's hoping it bears fruit.

Threshold of what...

The flip side of what I was saying in my last entry, is that the relationship we have with traditional or inherited church is not only one-way.

From our inception we recognised that those who came through our doors for spiritual reasons (as opposed to looking for the latest Maeve Binchey or John Grisham novel) would do so for a variety of reasons.

Some would be simply curious, or looking for a novel experience, wanting to see what this slightly off-beam bookshop church was like, and having experienced it, would move on or return to their normal Sunday experience.

For others we would be a stepping stone - something on the threshold of the world and what people perceive as 'proper' church. For some it will be an 'entry level' experience of church - a putting of the proverbial toe in the water before committing themselves to something more mainstream or traditional. For others who have been absent from church for a number of years it is a step on a journey back there, and a step they can take without excess baggage. They will journey with us for a time, and then continue their journey in other company. They do so with our blessing - recognising that different guides and companions are often necessary at different parts of the journey.

A third group, we hope and pray, will come to us looking for something, and find it with us. We will become their primary experience of church, and we pray that we can be up to the task, be worthy companions for the journey, and that they will stay with us, and become our co-workers and fellow disciples.

In our short life history so far we have encountered those in the first and third group. Last week we were delighted to hear that a regular customer with no live church connection is now attending another local church regularly - and loving it. She was afraid to tell us that she would rather not come to our Sunday worship, but preferred this other service instead - afraid that our feelings would be hurt. She was surprised to find, I think, that rather than censure or hurt, we were able to be genuinely thankful, and privileged to play a part in her story. We will still see her - she continues to come into the shop, and so the connection continues, but I hope she will not be the last who finds a place in Christ's church somewhere as a result of our ministry.

We have no intention of empire building, or creating a new denomination. Those within the core team of people who share the vision for The Word on the Street know only that it is what God has asked us to do at this time in this community. We hold it lightly, so that when the time comes to end this and move on, we won't hang on to what he would have us give up. In the meantime, we can give thanks for a life heading in a new direction, and pray for many more.

Thank God for The Church

Some people labour under the misapprehension that if you are engaged in an expression of church that is new or different from the accepted 'norm' (whatever that is!), that you are, by definition criticising the existing church.

The small group of pioneers who share the vision for The Word on the Street are conscious of several things in relation to the 'traditional' or 'inherited' church in this country.

Firstly, everyone in the core team comes from a traditional church background, albeit from a variety of traditions, and everyone in the core team acknowledges the debt we owe the churches that have fed, nurtured, taught and discipled us in preparation for coming to this point in our individual and collective journeys.

Secondly, we would not exist as a fellowship if not for the initial gifting of a property from Dennistoun Baptist Church, which we were able to sell in order to fund this venture.

We have also consistently received encouragement and prayer support from a huge number of other Christians, most of whom aren't involved in 'emerging church', but who view what we are doing sympathetically.

We would also be lying to ourselves if we failed to acknowledge that the overwhelming majority of Christians in this society at this time are part of the traditional church, and that they engage in the majority of evangelistic activities, disciple more Christians and fund more projects than the emerging church could ever hope to at this time. Around 8% of adults attend church in Britain today are Christians, and that means that the inherited church accounts for the single most popular 'leisure' activity in the nation - even more people attend church than football matches. That is a huge contribution.

The traditional, or inherited, church is not perfect, but neither is the emerging church, and as people experiment and take risks mistakes will be made. Our aim at The Word on the Street is simply to reach parts of the community that the traditional forms of church in our area aren't, while recognising that the inherited church are reaching a part of the community which will be inaccessible to us. The point is that there is room, and need, for both.

The point of this lengthy preamble is to express our warmest thanks and gratitude to a Christian agency in Scotland for its gift to us yesterday of something in excess of 3,000 - yes 3,000 - books. It is a tremendous and generous gesture of support that is quite overwhelming, providing finance for us as we sell them, but almost more valuable than a gift of money, because every book sale brings with it the opportunity of engagement with the person who purchases it.

We may exist somewhere outside the 95 percentile of the normal distribution of church traditions, but without the traditional church, we could not exist.

There are no words to express my gratitude for this gift. We are so small, and yet don't go unnoticed by those before us and around us. It is humbling to be on the receiving end of such generosity and thank you is insufficient, more words would be no less so, so thank you will have to do.

We Need to Get Out More

Normally this is my own personal plea to my husband and friends when thoroughly jealous of all the exciting things everyone else seems to get up to while I'm still trying to get through the everlasting pile of ironing at home. However, this time it was a challenge presented to us in our Sunday worship. Even though our church meets in, what is often considered to be, the fairly radical environment of our bookshop, we have already to some extent reverted to a default church position of relying on attraction evangelism, i.e. expecting people to come to us, rather than us obeying the commision to 'go'.

The rain stayed off, and we ventured into Alexandra Park for a part of our morning worship. It wasn't neccessarily about evangelism, more about challenging us in our comfort zone - in which it was entirely successful.
People who suffer from anxiety are sometimes asked to rate how difficult something feels before they do it, and to rate how they feel about it after they have done it. Almost invariably the anticipation is worse than the event, and this was the case. We went somewhat nervously, but came back feeling great.

Catching Up

I've been going nuts over recent months as my home Internet connection has been intermittent at best, and we've been fighting a war of attrition with the phone company for four months just to get a phone line installed (I'll leave the name of the company anonymous to protect the guilty).
Anyway, it's been four months now since we opened The Word on the Street and it feels like there's been a lot going on.
We started with about nine people at the end of November 2008 - all Christians. My husband at 59 and myself at 40 were the oldest - by quite a margin - and men were in the majority. What a contrast to our previous church experience.
Using a variation on the Methodist covenant service we started the new year with a commitment to the church, the vision we believed God had given us, and each other. We also worked on a values statement, which should be useful in gauging from time to time whether we have kept to the vision or settled down in our comfort zone. We also took stock of our differing spiritual temperaments and agreed that a form of worship which only incorporated the same type of spiritual expression that you can find in the majority of mainstream churches was unlikely to engage those that were not attracted to church already, or who were de-churched. We then set out to intentionally explore different types of worship, with as many different people involved as possible. In a very really sense the commitment to 'multi-voiced' worship is one of the biggest changes we have made.
Our first real celebration was when one of our guys asked to be baptised. Before we got that far though we had our first completely unchurched person join us, first helping in the shop in the middle of February, then very quickly joining us for worship and study, and making a profession of faith in the week before our first baptismal service. It's just the start of the journey for her.
Needless to say it just set the tone of celebration for the baptism on 29 March, when we had about 40 people in our wee shop to witness the event. Fantastic!! Amongst those who joined us were a young couple who had attended out previous church before having to move out of the area to find work. They had just returned having found new employment locally, and seem to have settled down to work with us. Emma has been a huge help as she's been able to commit a lot of time to helping in the shop, finally allowing Alan a much needed day off. They're both young, but mature in their Christian faith, and a really welcome addition to our small team. Although most of our folks are in their twenties and have loads of energy, they're also all working, and so time is at a premium for everyone. The last thing we need is burnout for anyone, so the more hands to the wheel the better.
We're now into the first week in May and have had about 6 months to settle in - it's time to really get moving on intentional mission. Let's see what unfolds.

The Word on the Street

It occurs to me that I haven't actually said what The Word on the Street is. Essentially it is a new expression of church based in a shop unit in the east end of Glasgow - you can find out more at www.thestreet.org.uk. Our values are posted on the website, but the short version is that we are trying to engage with people outside of a traditional church building. The idea is to lower the threshold as far as possible for others to come into a church, by providing a safe neutral space where people can talk and share, and where it is OK to express an opinion that is outside of mainstream Christianity. We try to engage in mission by making and building relationships with others, making ourselves available to accompany others on their spiritual journey, whilst acknowledging that we don't yet have all the answers.

Chasing My Tail

My earlier delight at having my internet connection restored was short lived, as my elderly and increasingly incontinent dog decided to water the new phone socket, and let's just say that my broadband connection has been intermittent at best since then. Oh the joys!
Another thing that has proved short lived is my relief at things settling down finally and getting the chance to get into some kind of routine. One of the problems of being involved in a local church while working for a Christian organisation is that the lines between work life and personal life often become blurred and it becomes difficult to switch off. When involved in mission and evangelism on a regional or national level, and with a church that is pioneering in its missional approach, there are a lot of areas of overlap and it is difficult to switch off and just chill out. God gave us one day in seven to rest, and I have found myself badly in need of it and unable to realise it.
I managed to get my first proper break in about 3 years with my husband last week. We spent the time in the New Forest, but even that was interrupted with calls about work and church matters on several occasions. Not the least of our concerns was that we would need to close the shop unit that the church uses as its centre and bookshop, as we still don't have sufficient volunteers to keep it open when Alan is away. It's a real concern, as so much of what we do is dependent on forming and developing relationships with those who come in, and we don't want people to come, find the place shut up a couple of times, and lose interest in coming back. Nevertheless, it was a welcome holiday, and lovely not to have to set the alarm in the morning.
We returned at 1:45 am on Sunday morning, and I was speaking at our worship service at 10:30 am. At 8am we discovered that the mains lead for my hard drive had gone missing, and so I had to get ready and start from scratch putting something together for the service. It came together in time - I've been blessed with a good memory, and could recall most of what I'd prepared - but felt like yet again I was chasing my tail, playing catch-up all the time, never ahead of the game. Oh how I long for the days when at least there was the illusion of being organised and under control.
So what is all this about apart from a need to get it off my chest. I think my frustration is once again linked to my need for security - to have all the 'i's dotted and the 't's crossed before committing myself to anything - even when I know I have the ability to just get on with it. Perhaps I need to learn to think less and act more. Perhaps I've just realised how futile it is to long for the finish line, when in my heart of hearts I know that God wants me to keep moving forward as long as I have breath. Perhaps if I took the chance to rest one day each week, as God in his wisdom ordained, then I would have the energy to deal with the demands of the rest of the week.

Reconnected!

After months of internet deprivation I am finally able to journal some of my reflections on the last few months with the benefit of hindsight. At last this week I finally got my broadband connected again and rejoined the civilised world.

Since June 2008 I've completed an MA course, changed job, left my church, helped found a new one, moved home twice, and realised my friends now believe I've become a recluse (or just ignorant) due to my abject failure to keep in touch with any of them .

It's been an adventure, and revealed some things about myself that have been startling, and not always welcome discoveries. While fully aware that many of the things on my list of recent activities would on their own score fairly highly in a stress questionnaire, the level of my addiction to security has genuinely taken me by surprise.

As someone who prides herself on her levels of self-awareness this has been an uncomfortable discovery, and as I inevitably get around to viewing everything around me through the lens of my faith and spirituality, it has prompted some re-evaluation of the authenticity of my professed beliefs.

This blog will be, at least partly, in hindsight, and hopefully without giving way to terminal introspection I hope to share some of my thoughts, and exchange ideas with others.